Okay so this is going to a rant from a disgruntled restaurant employee....
I have decided that when people go out to eat, they lose all sight of what is normal behavior. No, really. Its like they don't know what to do if they aren't cooking the food themselves or aren't pouring their own drink. I mean, HOW hard is it to go to a restaurant, sit down, have someone take care of all your eating-out-needs and behave normally? I feel that there would be some sad momma's in this world if they knew how their children have been behaving at RR.
Annoyance #1: Don't you EVER snap your fingers/wave your arm wildly in the air at me. I see you, you imbecile and am coming as fast as my little size 7 feet can take me.
So first off, I am probably aware of what you need. I am a good server. I'm not trying to be conceited or anything, but I rarely have problems with customers. And if there is a problem its probably because you created it as an abnormal restaurant-goer. I know that if you have been sitting there waiting on your food that you have probably been sipping on your drink. Which means you'll probably need a new one before/when your food comes out. I will bring you a new one. Promise. It's my job to act like I want to wait on you. There is no need to raise your empty glass in the air as if you are imaginarily clinking glasses with other RR eaters. You look ridiculous and that won't make me come to you any faster. Nor will waving, snapping or standing up and looking for me. I mean how impatient are people? If you finish your drink in 2.7 seconds after I drop it off to you, you have a problem. A social/eating-disorder kind of problem. Who does that? Seriously, every weekend I have some idiot get there drink on a BUSY friday night and then drink it before I turn around to leave and need another one ASAP. What are you 5? Yeah, I hate you. And i'm not going to run to the drink station just for you. You can wait or drink your beverage like a normal person. Oh and p.s. for those of you who drink strawberry/blueberry/every other kind of berry lemonades...go ahead and drink 8,000 of them, just know they are about 420 calories each and its going straight to your mid-section. Cheers!
Annoyance #2: Please don't roll up to a restaurant with 4573885231 of your "closest" friends and expect to be waited on as if you were just a couple. This is a BYU-Idaho kid trademark. "I have an idea, let's all go to RR tonight with everyone we know on facebook! And then we can complain when we don't get to sit down for an hour on a busy friday night. AND THEN we can pretend its 7 of our birthdays and make our server sing a ridiculous song to us and bring us free icecream! Yeah, awesome idea!" And who goes out to eat with like 25 other people? Do you actually think you will get to talk to all of those people? Do you even really have that many friends? This is a stupid idea. And you will be obnoxious to not only your server but to everyone else around you.
Annoyance #3: I have a ring on. Stop hitting on me. Especially when you have mayo on the side of your face.
Annoyance #4: When I ask you if you are ready to order, DO NOT lie to me. Being ready to order equals you know what you'd like to eat. It does not mean that you are still A) reading over the entire menu B) deciding between 8 things or C) changing your mind. I am standing at your table ready to jot down what you want to eat and then leave you alone, if you are not ready, I WILL COME BACK. It's not that you need to keep me hostage while you read every single word on the menu out of fear that I will leave your table and come back in half an hour. I HATE when people tell me they are ready and then proceed to spend the next 7 minutes deciding on what they want to eat. You're not ready! Why don't you understand that? And then there are people who take like 20 minutes to decide what they want to eat. "Oh we just need a few more minutes." I come back 5 minutes later. "Oh we just need like 2 more minutes." I come back another 5 minutes later. "I'm sorry, I still just need like one more second..." Are you kidding me? Are you waiting on an epiphany from God to decide what you'd like to eat? Why is it so hard to pick something to eat? Wow.
Annoyance #5: "Um, I know I ordered this, but I don't like it." And why are you telling me this? Well, jokes on you. YOU ordered it. I didn't force you to get that. I didn't force you to eat it. If you don't like it, then don't eat it next time. I DO NOT understand customers like this. "Oh, I know I ate half of it, but it was gross. So I either need a new burger or for it to be taken off of our bill. Thanks." Where do people get off thinking they can just do this? YOU ordered it. YOU picked it. It is not my job to decipher what will make YOUR tastebuds scream with delight. This never ceases to amaze me. People like this are either looking for free food or to try something else for free. Or maybe they don't actually like it, well then stop by the golden arches on your way home. Not my problem.
Annoyance #6: $2 on $25 is not a good tip. Nor is $2 on a $40 tab. Etc. Why is it that the general population feels that $2 is what you leave a server. And by adding a little note on the receipt that says "Great service!" makes me feel better about you being a bad tipper? 15-20% is what you should tip. Did people in Idaho miss this memo? College kids are the worst. "Um, we're going to both have water, drink it like we're parched elephants, split a burger and stiff you on the tip because we're just poor, little struggling college kids." Oh, I don't feel bad for you. You are EATING OUT. If you don't have the money to tip, then don't go out to eat. If you don't have the money to go out to eat, then don't. I don't care if you drink water. I get water all of the time when I go out to eat. I don't care if you split an entree. Stu and I do it all of the time. But the difference in Stu and I and other BYUI students is that when we go out to eat, we always leave 20%. I don't care if your bill is only $10, if you leave me 20% I am happy. If everyone would leave 15-20% i'd make BANK. And some nights I do, but those nights seem to be rare lately because of the growing mass of idiots that attend BYUI. If you think my service was great, then leave me a good tip. Your stupid smiley-face note makes me want to kick you.
Just a few more things:
If you are a mormon and decided to have 14 children, and you take them all out to eat, FEED THEM. Splitting 4 kids meals amongst 14 children is going to leave, ALL of them, hungry. If you want to give them a fun experience, don't take them out to eat because they will equate it with starvation. Go to those golden arches again and get them all their very own kids meal for half the price. It may not be as good, but they will be fed. You are their parents. They're guardians. They're caretakers. Which means you probably shouldn't make them starve, at least not in a public setting. Families like this make me SO sad. I always just bring like truckloads of fries and dump them in front of their kids. The mothers always have the nerve to give me these looks like, "why are you giving my kids fried food without my permission?" Oh, I'm sorry, they look HUNGRY.
If you're kids make a freaking mess. Clean it up or try to control it. Or tip me more because I will have to clean up after your offspring (i really do love those parents!). I love having to sweep like my life depends on it because some young parents thought it was cute to try and give their 6 month old a french fry to see what they will do with it. "Oh did you see that honey, he just mashed it right up and threw it on the ground! How cute! Let's do it 27 more times and turn the floor into a giant french fry that our server will later have to sweep up at midnight when she's trying to go home!"
And I think I'm done. Thanks for reading my rant! I know I sound like an ungrateful B and I'm not trying to be. I am thankful for my job. And usually its not a night full of the above. But sometimes it is and it makes me hate the entire human race. I usually make really good money (love that cash flow) for a part-time job, usually have great customers and a great shift. Just don't be one of those people when you go out to eat next time. For my sanity and all the other servers out there that can empathize.
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